Day off!

Played golf, a pitching wedge from the ocean yesterday. Hadn't played in over 13 months, nice to be on the course, beautiful day and 4 greens on my first 6 holes...after that, as one of our foursome stated "That's why they call it golf." Didn't matter.

"Does the chaplain ever bring good news?"

"Hmmm, yes, of course I do. (Just not this time...I say in my head.)

I am continualy amazed by the question I get asked by patients and their families.

This afternoon I walked into the middle of a tragedy. I had been at a sister hospital covering the patient load there when I returned to my hospital. "Oh good, you're here. There's been a CODE in the ER chaplain. You should probably go check it out!"

"On my way..."

I walk in to the ER, which the day after Thanksgiving is packed to the gills. I walk up to the Nursing station "How can I help?"

"Oh chaplain, the lady in there (she points to the Trauma room) died after we tried for 40 plus minutes to save her."

Interrupted by another Nurse "Oh GREAT, the clerk just vomited in the room. Now we have to deal with that!" I look at the floor and vomit is everywhere, followed by the fragrant (sic) smell of vomit. Vomit is not my area.

"What do you need me to do?"

The patients' Doctor turns to me, "Gather her family and take them to the chapel and I will come and tell them she has die." (Rule #1: Only Doctors informed family that a family member has died.)

Let's be honest here: everyone tends to know when the chaplain shows up that something 'not
good" has happened. Doesn't mean that it's true, I have gathered family before, many times so the Doctor could tell them that their family member was ok or critical and alive. The emotions is clearly in the room, hanging on every word the Doctor says.

Hear I am, in the chapel, being asked a few questions, which I honestly don't know, what I do know and can't say is that the patient has died, but we are engaging in small talk, praying, asking about other family and how can I help?

In walks a Deputy Sheriff "Is this the family of the dece...."

I jump up and back the officer out of the door and quickly close it behind me. "Sir, yes it is, but they don't know that she has died and you almost told them. We are waiting for the Doctor to inform them. Here's down in the ER..." (I point towards it). Now I am starting to get mad.

I walk to the ER behind the Sheriff approach an RN, "listen I need the Doc to come tell this family about their loss, because the Sheriff almost did his work and they are starting to freak."

"The sheriff did what?"

"That's why he needs to come quickly."

"Ok, I'll tell him."

I walk back to the chapel. Truthfully, I am not mad at the Doctor or the Sheriff. All I am thinking about it the deceased 10 year old son who is in the chapel praying for her mother and 'hoping she's ok. This has happened once before," he told me, "but she was ok."

As a reach the chapel the deceased's best friend asks me, "Do chaplains ever bring good news?"

"Sometimes." (When is the Doctor going to get here....)

Deaths are different....

People die. It's a fact of life...Life & Death.

Deaths are different.

Patients die in the hospital. In my hospital less than 1% of our patients die while they are here, which if you based it on patient fears you might think it was 90% or higher. But that's a different issue; for another day.

People die. The reaction of the hospital staff varies widely. Why? Not because we don't care. We are trained in 'professional distanting' so that every patient doesn't just rip your heart out. One of the things I think that influences that supposed 'distant' is the time a patient has been in the hospital. If a patient comes into the ER, coding (needing life support and critical care) and then dies, there is some sorrow, but you move on; aka, short or no length of stay; short emotional attachment. A patient is in the hospital for a number of weeks, many staff have interacted with them, learned some of their life story and then they die it can create more grief and loss; longer stay, longer attachment.

When a staff members dies...

Today I lead a Memorial service for a long time staff member.

Worth going to church for!

This weekend, faith groups around the nation will celebrate Donor Sabbath. It's an interfaith effort emphasizing the fact that nearly all US-based religions support organ and tissue donation. Yet when many families are asked to consider donating the organs of their loved one, they will respond that it's against their religion.

With over 89,000 people waiting for a life-enhancing tissue or cornea transplant, it's time for people of faith to honor stewardship of life and become your brother's keeper - Donate life!

Visit these web site for more information: Organ Donor and Gift of Hope sites.

We die like ....

It's not a joke. As a culture we die poorly.

Our hospital is in the beginning stages of implementing a Palliative Care program. Palliative Care is about helping patients and their families prepare for their final days of life. It is mostly for patients with chronic medical conditions; such as, COPD (emphysema), CHF (chronic heart failure), End stage renal failure (kidney disease), terminal cancers and others.

For awhile the "Terry Schivaio" case stirred a lot of media, indignation and rhetoric, which like maggots, once a topic has been devoured they move on like it never happened. (Yes, I feel better after that comment!" Thanks for asking!) The problem is that patients just like her AND WORSE are living, if you call it living, this every day in every hospital in America and other countries.

We die so poorly. I wonder sometimes if it not because we live poorly and that it's the natural result of that.

I remember in college our Systematic Theology professor would declare, frankly threathen us, with "You tell me what you believe about the Devil and I will tell you what you believe about God." Admittedly, it pretty easy to imitidate a 20 year old college junior, but that statement stills rings in my head 26 years after I took that class.

My upgrade to the question is: Who want to know why we as a people die so poorly? Look how poorly we live.

the human spirit is amazing

The will to thrive in humans is incredible. Yes, I am aware how much of an obvious, understatement that is, but every time I see it I am reminded that God knew what she was doing when we were create. How else does Victor Frankl or Dietrich Bonehoeffer write and create community in the worst mankind has ever designed in Aushwitz and the other horrific terrors of
WWII?

"All I want to know in my life is love. I feel I am not asking for much, but with the life I had it seems like an out of reach. That why the decision I have made hurts so much and is so right all at the same time," the 40ish suicide survivor tells me this moning.

"Can you tell me about the decision you have made?"

"I have decided that I am not going to marry my fiance'."

"Why have you decided that?"

"He is too negative. I have known he for over 20 years; we are good friends, but he is just too negative. Frankly, I have enough of my own problems. I can't handle his also." Tears begin to flow.

"Sounds like you have made a courageously scary decision."

"I hope so. I want to know what love is. With everything I with through with my mother, being in foster homes and being scared to be alive I just want to be loved and I know that this relationship isn't it."

"Bless you."

"Ma'am, I regret to inform you that..."

This is the news article. Tonight I received orders to inform the mother of one of the victims. It was not a good night.

KPD probes couple's deaths

By Olga Peña

Killeen Daily Herald

A husband and wife were found dead outside their home in the 2400 block of Carnation Street in Killeen on Saturday.

Lt. Michael Click of the Killeen Police Department Special Operations said officers were dispatched at 1:30 p.m. in connection with reports of gunfire.

Officers found a 37-year-old woman and a 45-year-old man with gunshot wounds in the backyard.

Click said that each sustained at least one gunshot wound and that the shots were fired in the backyard.

The man, reported to be a military retiree, and the woman, reported to be an active-duty soldier, were pronounced dead at 2:03 and 2:05 p.m., respectively. Click said the bodies were sent to the Southwestern Institute of Forensic Science in Dallas for autopsies.

Click could not confirm that the incident was a murder-suicide. “It appears to be domestic violence,” he said.

“It’s unfortunate,” Click said. “Domestics occur, and sometimes they escalate to this.”

The couple’s children were found at the scene; they were unharmed and removed from the home by a family member.

Click said there is some indication that a call from the same address was made to the department earlier this year, but he could not confirm its nature.

Shocked neighbors standing outside their homes described the family as peaceful and the dead man as a caring father. They also said they knew of no violence associated with the couple in the past.

just two bullets in the head...

of the guy who sold him his first beer at 15. That's all I asking. And NO it's not very chaplain like, but from where I sit in a patients room as he is dying and the people who love him are crying, sad, angry and grieving all I can say is "This just sucks!" and everyone in the room nod there head yes!

And it doesn't help...or change the outcome...or make anything right.

As I learn over the last few days from the patients mouth he started drinking with his buddies at 15 and got his beer from a convenience store (sic) and has been drinking ever since. He had a birthday in the hospital and got a stuffed animal. It was cute, but kind of lame for a 43 year old man/child. Here in the room are the people who love him: his father, who is still grieving his wife who died a year ago tomorrow, (sadly ironic twist of fate), his wife and friends.

"What a waste" his father says with tears running down his face.

"This can't be happening" his wife says.

A friend is singing and crying knowing he can't change the outcome of this illness.

True, he IS 43 and an adult and he made his choices and now is living and dying with them. I am not in denial about that. But it doesn't help.

I found myself thinking about the night or day when he and his buddies jump in a car and drove to the local Jiffy Stop and Gas a Lot to buy some brew for a good time.

Maybe it's just the Holiday season and that I have tickets for Scrooge and am thinking the life of
a lost soul, maybe I am an idiot, maybe I have my own issues (no, i don't drink and don't get the need to.), bu tI have issues. Yes, I believe that we are each responsible for our own choices. We are the product of our choices. I agree with M Scott Peck in the Road Less Travelled "Life is hard."

But sometimes just two bullets in the head could ...

You never know where grieving will take you!

While visiting a patient who has been given a terminal diagnosis we had a lengthy visit about grieving and loss. Grieving is not just about dying physically, it is also about the 'small deaths' that we through in our life. The loss of family relationships, broken dreams, betrayal, bad luck, and a bzillion other things can cause us to grieve our losses.

"Chaplain, I feel so alone in this process." Quite a statement I must admit considering her husband and daughter in the room with us, I thought.

"How are you alone?"

"I am the only one in my family that believes in God. I know I am dying; though I am not happy about it and want to live longer I feel close to God and am glad you came, but no one else in my family cares." (Did you hear what she just said? Hint: It wasn't about God....)

Her husband interrupts, politely, "I believed once, but because of being in three World Wars I lost all sense of a God or supreme being. How could God allow the things I saw and experienced?"

"What wars did you serve in sir?"

"I joined the miliatry right out of high school like every patriotic son did in those days. I served in World War II, Korea and Vietnam. Chaplain, I am saw too much. And I feeled betrayed and lost all hope and trust in God, my government and most authority."

"Sadly, many soldiers just like you saw so much death and tradegy in warfare that it broke their spirits and innocence and they lost hope. I can hear that in your voice."

Tears flow suddenly and perfusely down his face. "It is worst than that chaplain."

"Oh." (Internal reaction is 'oh, crap!')

"Because of my expertise I flew on General ____'s plane into Toyko on that day fateful day and I have never forgiven myself or my country for doing that to me. Do you know what I did?"

"I know what our country did."

Tears flow. I place my hand on his shoulder.

"I have never told anyone about this ever, no one. My wife has never heard this story or how I feel. I have been carrying this evil and betrayal and brokenness for a long time."

"Sir, I will hold these words with sacredness and grace. You have held this for 60 years. My this be a day of healing for you. It continually amazes me how I am here to visit your wife and at the same time your grieving of your wife is drawing to the surface your unresolved emotions and loss. It can be hard to separate these events with them both at the surface, but you are going to
have try."

"It looks like you both have a strong love for each other and a supportive family. You can make it through this together. Bless you both."



Quote: "Dying is not the hardest thing we do in life; the hardest thing is the small deaths that happen that are never overcome."