You never know where grieving will take you!

While visiting a patient who has been given a terminal diagnosis we had a lengthy visit about grieving and loss. Grieving is not just about dying physically, it is also about the 'small deaths' that we through in our life. The loss of family relationships, broken dreams, betrayal, bad luck, and a bzillion other things can cause us to grieve our losses.

"Chaplain, I feel so alone in this process." Quite a statement I must admit considering her husband and daughter in the room with us, I thought.

"How are you alone?"

"I am the only one in my family that believes in God. I know I am dying; though I am not happy about it and want to live longer I feel close to God and am glad you came, but no one else in my family cares." (Did you hear what she just said? Hint: It wasn't about God....)

Her husband interrupts, politely, "I believed once, but because of being in three World Wars I lost all sense of a God or supreme being. How could God allow the things I saw and experienced?"

"What wars did you serve in sir?"

"I joined the miliatry right out of high school like every patriotic son did in those days. I served in World War II, Korea and Vietnam. Chaplain, I am saw too much. And I feeled betrayed and lost all hope and trust in God, my government and most authority."

"Sadly, many soldiers just like you saw so much death and tradegy in warfare that it broke their spirits and innocence and they lost hope. I can hear that in your voice."

Tears flow suddenly and perfusely down his face. "It is worst than that chaplain."

"Oh." (Internal reaction is 'oh, crap!')

"Because of my expertise I flew on General ____'s plane into Toyko on that day fateful day and I have never forgiven myself or my country for doing that to me. Do you know what I did?"

"I know what our country did."

Tears flow. I place my hand on his shoulder.

"I have never told anyone about this ever, no one. My wife has never heard this story or how I feel. I have been carrying this evil and betrayal and brokenness for a long time."

"Sir, I will hold these words with sacredness and grace. You have held this for 60 years. My this be a day of healing for you. It continually amazes me how I am here to visit your wife and at the same time your grieving of your wife is drawing to the surface your unresolved emotions and loss. It can be hard to separate these events with them both at the surface, but you are going to
have try."

"It looks like you both have a strong love for each other and a supportive family. You can make it through this together. Bless you both."



Quote: "Dying is not the hardest thing we do in life; the hardest thing is the small deaths that happen that are never overcome."