Chaplain goes off!

It had to happen, sooner or later, it had to happen. Today in Inter-Disciplinary Rounds the chaplain went off. Inter-disciplinary rounds is when the medical team gathers together (read: crams ourselves in a small room with our knees touching) to discuss our patients status including diagnosis, treatment plan, prognosis, any issues from that might arise from a psycho-social, spiritual area and/or anything else.

It's a BIG deal. It should be.

It's about getting everyone on the same page.

As rounds are ending I interject: "I would like to discuss something that is worrying me."

"I am not sure how to address this issue, but I am having a problem with a couple of our recent patients' care." I hesitate. "We have had two patients die this week. What is upsetting me is that I was talking to them the day of their surgery. They were lucid and aware of their environment. And then they have surgery and never come out of the anestethic. If their prognosis was that poor, why did they undergo the surgery? Why did we allow then to do that? Let me personalize this even more. I do not want my last three days on earth to be after surgery with me being intubated and sedated. Why would we allow this to happen? What a terrible way to die? What a waste of the patients last three days that they could have spent those precious hours with their family and friends, but no they spent it in our ICU with tubes stuck in them. I am very upset about this and had to get it out!"

Everyone looks at me. No one says anything. It was just like in my collegiate Speech class after I gave a speech on "Something You Dislike" (professor topic) and I spoke on Racism. No one talked to me for three weeks after that speech...I am hoping I have not just re-lived that moment.

Boom.

Everyone starts talking at the same time. "We hate it too Chaplain." "I don't know." "I don't like it." "We have been dealing with this for years." (Ick) "You sound burnt out!" (I am not!) I unleashed a firestorm of conversation; of unspoken hospital angst, of Doctor anger, of family uninvolvement, of patient passiveness and old wounds.

I added one last statement: "Is this how you would want to be treated if you were a patient?"

Once again in one voice: "No!"